Whew! I was hoping to be more consistent with blogging but in between transitioning back into work, pumping when I have a moment, and running to pick my son up – I just have not found the time. But I promise, I’ll do better.
So anyway, I had the pleasure of spending my Monday evening with Jill Scott, catching up and talking like the sister-friends we are. Okay, I lie, we didn’t hang but she was on stage performing and I was a few feet away watching! Interactive One hosted an intimate taping featuring Ms. Scott performing some her greatest hits and some songs from her new album ‘Woman.’ The album drops on July 24th –go get it. It’s fi-yah!
So I’m not a music head per se, but I’ve always loved Jill Scott. She’s real; she’s a grown woman and her lyrics teach a girl some things – which is always necessary, right? So she performs this song, Fools Gold and I lost it! Everything about that song, I could relate to, and not just on a wack bae-ship level, but life in general. Peep the lyrics:
So I thought I would try something new
I wanted to find out if I could live happy without you
And it turned out I wasn’t living at all
I’d rather never known if you had just played along
I was living the dream believing things that just ain’t true
Oh I can’t believe I ever believed in you
You had me chasing fool’s gold
I was chasing fool’s gold
I was chasing fool’s gold
So I did that inside knowing you weren’t right
For breaking the spell was a plan I never did right
I wanna be here forever if it’s for you
But I would had been living forever as your fool
So I’ve reached a point in my life (you know, the ‘grown woman’ mindset) where I know if I am somewhere I’m not supposed to be. I’m more sensitive to this now because Baby SMW makes me think about how my life affects him. Some things are easier to see than others, and even when realized, some things are easier to “fix” than others. When you know better, you do better (if that’s what you really want). So here I am asking myself: Am I choosing ‘fool’s gold’?
I think that question requires a heavy dose of soul searching and truth telling because you kind of have to consciously step away from the victim mentality. That’s tough – for me at least. It requires me to take a critical, hard look at what’s working and what isn’t working for my life, especially if I’m not in position to do something about it. Maybe it’s because I’m scared, not sure what of exactly. But I’m definitely ready to get out of Punkville (Can you relate?) — that whole ‘watching your life go down stupid lane’ because of your insecurities, procrastination and need for comfort or fear is sooo yesterday. Well, at least it should be because it sucks! Like the song says, you find out you’re not really living at all! Not only do you remain stuck where you are, not progressing, but perhaps you start to believe that you’ll never get out of that situation. And it could be any situation you know? A relationship that has continued way past it’s expiration date, a group of friends that just aren’t conducive to where you’re trying to go, or maybe a career opportunity that you’re missing out on. And the situation will play out and things will remain the same, especially if you’re the one losing and they’re/it is the one winning. I hate to be so vague, but do you get what I mean?
So who or what got me to the place where I’ve started to settle and believe things that just aren’t true? Past failures, rejection, fear, family, friends, a sucky boss – what? Even on a spiritual level, I realize that the Enemy will do his best to warp my thinking and have me going down a road that I just know I shouldn’t be on. That requires a whole lot of questions that I’ve been doing my best to answer lately. I tend to shock myself with the truth behind some of my ‘chasing pavements.’
So anyway, I ain’t trying to be no fool, ya’ll. While it’s never easy to do, when it’s time to bounce, it’s time to bounce –I’ll be hopping on that train because sometimes our lives, our joy and our purpose depends on it. Another life lesson, this one wrapped up in a song. Do you have a song that has changed or sparked a new way of thinking? Share your thoughts/favorites in the comments below.