It was the beginning of Summer in 2014, and it was looking mighty good. I had just signed a lease to my new condo in the gorgeous Navy Yard area of Southwest, Washington, D.C. Here I was a year into my dream job, and things were so amazing! I even got back into the jungle that is DC’s dating scene, and it was going well for me. Life was looking and feeling good — this is what I had been waiting for! The good Buppie life. #UnfinishedBusiness lingered in my life, and here I was staring at a plus sign. How did this happen? Why did this happen? Jesus, noo! We were careful! I mean, I wasn’t supposed to be having pre-marital sex as a Christian, but was this consequence really my reward? This was certainly not part of the plan. Had I ran out of ‘mercy’ and ‘grace’ passes? It all became too real at once. I was always proud of how well I navigated my life -college (CHECK), dream job (CHECK), dream apartment (CHECK), next was dating, and then getting married. So how did this carriage come before marriage? What were people going to say? Not only was I not married, this baby was conceived with my ex; #UnfinishedBusiness had become #PermanentBusiness. I was keeping the baby. Babies are a blessing, no matter how they come about. So life was about to change, and change mighty fast. SMW ( our nickname for him here) is currently pulling my hair and gnawing at my shirt (making it really difficult to type- sheesh, kid). This is how I know I’m a totally different person. There’s a 2-month old drooling on my shirt. WHOSE KID IS THIS? Anyway, he (and these stretch marks – I’m slabbing bio oil every day, y’all), is my daily reminder of how much more resilient and focused I’ve become. I decided I was strong enough and just the right person for this job, the minute my OB/GYN (shout out to Dr. Lightfoote of FOXHALL OB/GYN – she’s bomb . com) gave me the sonogram. Weird right? I should’ve been boo-hooing in her office. That’s actually what I wanted to do, but she’s a very pretty doctor, and I couldn’t be out there with my ugly cry – no ma’am! I needed a mental suitcase. What and who was I gonna pack in it? Well, Jesus’s grace and favor for sure. My mama. A close group of friends (Hey Michelle, Leo, Ariel, Nina, Kiara, Nicole G., Jackie, Shanae and Fisayo) that I knew would be there no matter what! Mommy blogs and mommy friends. And, most importantly, peanut M&M’s; cause that was my craving. Anyway, mental suitcase packed, i was ready — no matter what went down or how I felt, I was going to show up — and boy did I have to!! Y’all know people love to talk- shady boots folks. Especially those who don’t have real responsibilities (marriage, kids, jobs) – you know, those who work to pay for brunch. I was ready to tune out the “friends” who weren’t as present, the folks who tried to convince me not to keep him (be ashamed of yourself – when my son blows up don’t ask him for no cash); the social media haters; and all of the unpleasant hiccups along the way– I was on a roll checking off each item on my “Baby Countdown” list. You could not stop me for anything (swag surf).
This world was new to me – I mean baby registries, maternity ward walk-throughs, just in case induction appointments (what the uhhhhh???) – but again, I had to adjust. My fancy apartment had to go – womp. Because budget. But that was okay, my baby was on his way and I found something perfect for us — and $400 cheaper, yes God! Four am baby kicks, 3 baby showers (yes three – hehe), a maternity shoot and DIY baby corner projects later, life was feeling good again. I turned my ‘oopsie’ into the celebration that it was meant to be, and I could not wait to see my prince! #PermanentBusiness was thrilled we were having a boy (literally victory danced in the docs office – cute). My preparation game was going well, but what I loved the most through this experience was the mental workout. Everyday, I found myself really proud of me and who I was becoming.
I was tested mentally. I really was. Pregnancy was great, but some folks were determined to make this an unpleasant experience. But the Holy Spirit is a true comforter (praise dance!). I was very intentional about my friendships and relationships — not everyone made the cut. Words are powerful, so I really didn’t have room for those who not only spoke negatively, but idly. Those who hit me with the “Well what if you can’t afford him?” or “What if you get the baby blues?” – ummm whet? How about “What if your kid is about to be the next Bill Gates and you’re about to get PAID?!” See, that’s more like it. Yasssss, move over there – thanks. I even had a girl send me a congratulatory email only to screenshot my announcement a week later and send it to another girl with the caption “I Can’t.” as shade. *Sideeye* You can’t what? Weird, lol.I’ve learned about making the best choices in any given circumstance, and now that my beautiful curly-haired boy is here, I’m still learning. Choosing to be happy. Choosing to forgive easily. Choosing to not let very hurtful events take me down– boy, that’s a toughie. Choosing to live and enjoy the now, and not spend one minute fretting over what’s to come. These choices are tricky, because I have to be intentional, to recognize and be grateful for each moment. Choosing to trust God – because he really carried me through this. Choosing to consider #PermanentBusiness in my decisions, because that’s a healthy parenting relationship, and I’m all about that. We refer to ourselves as the #parentalunitgang, ’cause we’re awesome like that. Choosing to be very patient with myself whenever I feel overwhelmed with the pressure of having not only my life to think about, but my little nugget. It can be a lot of work, but working at it every day really has gotten me feeling whole.I’m at a place where I’m no longer afraid anymore, and that feels good! Sometimes, i can’t believe that I’m a mom – it’s a huge responsibility, but I’m honored to have it. I still can’t even believe that I had this strength in me (even to push this baby out- Lord). My apartment is looking and feeling jazzy. I’m loving my new crew of mommy friends and getting back into my girl’s night chronicles. Maternity leave is almost over, and I’m already securing wedding clients, because mama has to have multiple streams of income. I’ve managed to make baby-wearing a breeze ( and quite sexy too) so I can go out in my heels with a bottle for SMW, and mommy’s sippy cup. Because wine. #Pumpenough #AlcoholMilkStrips #JudgeYourselfNotMeI’ve fought to become the woman I am now, and I’m proud of it. God is proud of me, and I know SMW is too. He waltzed into my world after 19 hours of labor on March 23rd. The birth of the next best thing in my life, and the birth of a new me. The hottest new mom in town. So to all those nay-sayers, those “everyone is getting pregnant” memes, and those who have a million questions and doubts – I’m twerking and flipping my hair to you. Amen to that.So tell me – What parts of your journey (mommy hood, career,faith etc.) have led you to discover a new you? x0x0